okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
