He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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