ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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