I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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