Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
