The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
