watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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