She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
