Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
