can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The beer is more important than you right now.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
