I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
