craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
