No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
