I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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