Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
