I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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