Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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