You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
