Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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