the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
