then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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