This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
