Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
