I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
