I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
