so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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