and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
