like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I've blown a few things in my day
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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