Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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