just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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