I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
