I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
