I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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