It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
