just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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