remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
