i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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