Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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