ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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