my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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