so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
