I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
