just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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