Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
