I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
