I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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