I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
