There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
