i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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