just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
is wine microwaveable?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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