They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
