spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish you could order shots online.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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